Jason said today

“Ooh it’s just like Sliding Doors!”

“Oh. I thought you were 4 foot 8.”

“You married this shit right here.”

“If a man can’t cook in a sweater then he has no business cooking.”

“I’d just stick to the tried and true method of picking a wife based on how many chicken wings she can eat.”

“You better not die because if I have to get back on the market, I don’t know how to treat a normal lady.”

“Since we can’t get a really nice dinner, we’ll just have two of them.”

“That kitchen is going to look so hot when the appliances are in. Yup, hot.”

“This is what having a child brings into our lives at Christmas. Disease. No joy.”

“I’d capitalize on that and go all Jon and Kate and get a reality show. I’d do something weird like home-school them or dress the boys in girl clothes.”