Jason said today

“Snap!”

“Blurry vagina! Well, as far as I can tell that’s what HPV gets you: a blurry vagina.”

“I’m going to burn you with this coffee.”

“If I spent all my time judging you, I’d have no time left in my day.”

“Ask if they have anything that looks and tastes like meat.”

“They look wrinkly. You’ve aged.”

“Yes, I always say the F word. It’s my life.”

“I don’t f*&^ing understand the Grammys.”

“My money’s on molesters!”

“I’m zinger-y when I drive.”